Thursday, February 5, 2009

the entry that took 2 days to publish

When it rains it pours. Have you ever had one of those weeks - where everything just seems to slowly pile up and up and up until you are buried under a mountain and you have no idea how it all happened? This is where I am right now.

I would like to think that I am relatively cool under pressure - that is, I can handle pretty much anything that befalls our family, so long as it all happens at nice, spread out intervals. It is those times when the stars align or whatever it is that causes these things to happen, and all the little things happen at once that I begin to get overwhelmed.

Hubby is still having his migraines, nearly every other day, and on medication that makes him either tired, dizzy, nauseous, or all 3 combined. When given a choice between searing head pain and overwhelming tiredness and nausea, it is a tough call. Add to that the sickness that took over the 2 littlest ones, and the nastiness that always follows it*. Then, lo and behold, the Momma gets sick too. My reserves are low, my patience has run thin, and I am running on empty right now.

* anyone with kids knows that their sickness-induced calm and inertia is only followed by 3 times as many days of insanity - it is as if they are making up for lost time, with interest. NASTY
I guess it is my own fault - I believe it was me that bragged about how my life is a well oiled machine, how I don't have time to get sick, and so here is how God is set to prove me wrong!

Now this part of this post was actually written on a different day from the first - I guess I hit save instead of publish and so it landed somewhere in cyberspace....

Yesterday was a difficult day for me - as you see above, all the circumstances of life are kind of weighing me down. I have, in the past, suffered intense periods of depression. I have been blessed with over a year depression free, and so when I start to feel down and out, I begin to worry. Worry that any moment the flood will come, the clouds roll in and I will spiral down. It takes incredible amounts of strength to swim against that tide, and sometimes your whole body, even your brain tells you to stop swimming and just let yourself float. But I know that you don't just float - you sink....and you drown.

For me personally, the fastest way to drown is to dwell. For this reason, call it avoidance, I reign myself to just not think about the things that make me sad. Just keep swimming.

And now for something completely different, I offer to you : TALES OF A SMELLY CAT
I have a 14 year old cat named Jazmin. I have had Jazz longer than any of my kids, or my husband, and yes, longer than any of my friends. I bought her from a pet store when I was 20 (and knew everything) and she was a mere 6 weeks old. I carried her home in the pocket of my acid washed jean jacket (hey, it was 1990) and she has been mine ever since.
Now Jazz, while lovable, is becoming strange in her old age. She refuses to drink room temp water (it has to be cold), her cat food dish must be FULL in order for her to eat from it, she meows ALL night for no apparent reason and she will not use her litter box if it is too dirty (meaning not cleaned out THAT day) or too clean. Yep - she would rather pee in the laundry room than on a freshly cleaned cat litter box.
She has baaaaad breath, and likes to lick your arm when you are not paying attention. This is how she acquired her name. Add to that the fact that she seems to have lost interest in cleaning herself - she has just become old, lazy and smelly.
HOWEVER - like I said, she has been with me the longest. She has seen me through marriage, divorce, many many moves, 3 kids, 1 devastating layoff, a housefire, depression and alcoholism. She has just always been there. For all her annoying quirks, I just don't know what I would do if she weren't here. She is the first to greet me in the morning, and the one who keeps my feet warm at night. NO matter how mad I may get at her at times, she always comes back for a snuggle in my lap. Plus, she has put up with more tail-pulling than any cat should have to endure.
SO here's to you, Smelly Cat, in all your stinky quirkiness. May all your bowls be full and your litter be clean. Meow.

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