Saturday, January 31, 2009

some throwback notes....Jan 13, 2007

Yep, you guessed it, another imported blog entry
Today was by far my hardest and longest cleaning adventure at the Rooster.. I tell you now, if vomit were money, I would be rich.Last night must have been a pretty good party. I think maybe it was a convention of Spilly Talkers, since the floors were more sticky goopy spill remnants than bare floor. In light of this, I have composed a poem:***********************************Ode to the Rooster Patrons of January 12thBy N.Y.A.M.Oh joyful spilly talkers, you masters of urination,you heavers of last nights' meal,how intriguing are your ways.The vivacity with which you toss your refuse on the floor,the ingeniuosness of your pithy sayings written so hastily on the bathroom stall;I am in awe of your intoxication and humourOh joyful lime hiders,you players of video poker,you tossers of both coasters and gum wads;I am amazed at your clevernessThe inventiveness with which you find new unheard of placesin which to regurgitate,I am astounded by your apetite.Oh joyful clothes discardersyou festive celebratorsyou incredible window smudge makershow inconceivable are your motives.******************************IS IT HOT IN HERE?-or is it just this toilet sweating? There is such a device, in the ladies (and I use the term ladies VERY loosely)washroom. It drips toilet sweat all over the floor, which runs down into the grout and makes it all grey and slimy. I would fix it, but I am not a plumber. Nor can I operate the stereo at work, for I am not an IT technician, because I am technologically retarded - now before you go writing me nasty grams about how it is un-PC to use the word retarded, stop yourself. In reality, if you look up the origin of the word, it means slow, as in not fast, as in, I am technologically slow, as opposed to technologically fast. So see? I am not that un politically correct after all. Which leads me to another thought - do you ever use words in your every day language and realize that you have no idea what they mean? Like words that you have used forever but never really known....words like "chuck", as in, "how much wood would a wood chuck chuck"....does that mean chuck as in throw? chuck as in gnaw? chuck as in eat? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? If you look carefully, you will see many underlined words, that I am not exactly certain of their meaning, but I have used them anyhow in order to fool you into thinking that I am actually very smart.Well no, that is not true - I AM very smart, I have a very high IQ, if you believe in the accuracy of IQ scores. I even considered trying to get into Mensa, but decided against it, not because I couldn't hack it, but because I couldn't afford it. Can you imagine that? ME at a Mensa Meeting? "Hi, my name is Bob, and I am an astrophysicist, and this is my wife Mary, she is a molecular biologist...nice to meet you, NYAM, and what do you do for a living? 'Me? Oh I clean up people's vomit, and sweep floors'" I envision a Mensa meeting to be a lot like an episode of Frasier, with a lot of sherry sipping and hearty guffaws going on, everyone in trousers and tweed jackets with suede patches on their elbows. For those very reasons I cannot join, as I hate the WORD trousers, much less wearing them, and tweed is itchy.Are there words that you just cannot stand? Not becuase they are hard to spell or they offend you on some moral level, but just words that rub you the wrong way? I have quite a few....for your consideration, I have compiled a list:*trousers*panties*gazebo*Regina *Spadina*puke*rootabaga (double points because I don't know how to spell it)*chesterfield*tissue (when it refers to a Kleenex, but not when it refers to tissue paper or biological references)*epistle (because it reminds me of the word "spit" and you actually spit when you say it)I know there are MANY MANY other words, but in light of the fact that I do not want to get all riled up, I will not mention them at this time. I will save that rant for another time when the cleaning is light and the blogging is slow.THERE IS NO CURE FOR STUPIDI wish that some people would spend more than a milisecond thinking before they a)let inane words escape from their mouths or b)pick up a writing instrument (pen, pencil, chalk, marker) and share their innermost thoughts with the rest of us.Really people, I am trying to be understanding, but your lack of forethought is becoming intolerable. The word Rooster has 2 "o"s. If you only use one, it becomes a completely different word - Roster, which is a list. So unless your list "Rocks" or "kicks a$$", spell it right. Night is not spelled nite, Love is not spelled luv, unless you write it on a card, and SH*T is not spelled shiite - that is a faction in the middle east.I have every tolerance for bad spellers in everyday life. I myself do not know how to spell every word I say. No doubt you wll find many spelling errors in this entry, because I rely so heavily on spell check, which doesn't seem to operate in the space of this blog. However, if I am going to take the time to write something public, you can be sure I will know the difference between poop and a middle eastern group!whew, okay, time to let my blood stop boiling, and look at some interesting news stories:NUCLEAR CLIMATE THREATS TO NUDGE 'DOOMSDAY CLOCK'"The keepers of the "Doomsday Clock" plan to move its hands forward next Wednesday to reflect what they call worsening nuclear and climate threats.The symbolic clock, maintained by the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, currently is set at seven minutes to midnight, with midnight marking global catastrophe.The clock was last pushed forward by two minutes to seven miutes to midnight in 2002 amid concerns about the proliferation of nuclear, biological and other weapons and the threat of terrorism"How freaky is that?? There is a group of no-doubt Mensa members who are keeping this abstract clock and moving it at random, in seemingly unmeasured increments....this makes me feel very out of in, how close will they get? Like 11:59 and then just wait for the "Big One"? It makes me think that if more people were aware of this, they may be more likely to see the need for salvation in their lives. People however, assume that they are going to live forever and so don't feel that they ever need God. what a pity.RESIDENTS FIND BODY IN VAN"Stunned residents of a Brampton subdivision returned home to find a minivan containing the body of a murder victim parked in their driveway......"And I get ticked off if someone litters in MY driveway...what would you do? And if you were the person who put the minivan there, how did you come to choose that particular driveway? Are there not better places to hide a body? Why not just park on the street? Were you afraid that you would get a ticket? The point is pretty much moot, my friend - moot, I tell you, moot (by the way, if you say any word over and over again it begins to lose its meaning....try it, moot, moot, moot, moot......)'PILLOW ANGEL' TREATMENT,8599,1574851,00.html - 27k - 12 Jan 2007 - I'm not sure if this link will work, I have never put a link in a blog before - anyhow, you MUST read this story about this couple and their daughter - FREAKISH with a capital F!!!Well, I had previously added a whole mess of stuff to the end of this blog, but in true Murphy's Law fashion, the internet went down and took my imaginative speech with it. Curses to you, Cogeco, curses to you.THIS FRUIT IS NOT JUST ANXIOUS, IT"S PETRIFIEDFor the mystery item of the day, check out the sort-of blurry photos - I am NOT a photographer....a Mensa level vomit cleaner, yes, but photographer, no. I will give you 3 guesses as to what it is, then you can check the bottom of this entry for the "big reveal", sort of like Extremem Makeover, only grosser.Remember: Our own faults are the ones we condemn most quickly in others, and....there are 2 stages of intoxication - sober and drunk.Play safe.

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